Simplifying Grief
TL;DR: My father died on August 2023. That was the final goodbye but not the only one. I’m learning to create rituals to honor his memory and to keep us connected.
In August 2023, I bid a final farewell to my father. His passing marked the end of a long and heart-wrenching journey, one that had me mourning his loss for 2+ years prior to his physical departure. In those two years, I saw him slip away, bit by bit, as multiple health complications took their toll. When COVID-19 struck, he could no longer fight, and the unimaginable decision to prioritize his comfort was made.
Losing a parent, especially at my age, is a reality I never anticipated. The permanence of this loss is profound; there's no replacing the role and love my father provided. We weren't just connected biologically; we were bound by the life we wove together, rich with memories and shared experiences. His love for us transcended boundaries and oceans. He made sacrifices, some that I may not even be aware of, to give us the life he felt we deserved.
Losing my dad has been a lonely experience. None of my close friends have treaded this path, making it feel like I'm navigating through these choppy waters of grief alone.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my grieving process:
Embrace Uniqueness
It's crucial to understand that everyone's experience of grief is as unique as their relationship with the departed loved one. No two journeys are the same, no matter how similar the circumstances may seem. The love we shared, the moments we cherished, the intricacies of our connection—all of these factors shape the way we grieve.
Build a Support Network
In the absence of a close-knit community who've experienced a similar loss, I have found solace in reaching out to friends and acquaintances who may not have walked this path themselves but are empathetic listeners. Their presence, even if they can’t fully understand my pain, provides a semblance of comfort.
Seek Professional Help
Before my dad’s physical departure, I turned to a grief counselor to support me through the process of mourning that I was already experiencing. I found a counselor who understood the intricacies and dynamic of my cultural background that brings with it a higher sense of responsibility for the care of our aging parents. Her guidance and expertise in navigating the tumultuous emotions associated with loss has been invaluable. It's okay to seek professional guidance; it doesn't diminish the love or memories you shared!
Create Personal Rituals
I find solace in creating personal rituals that honor my father's memory. Lighting a candle, visiting places we happened to have visited together, or simply talking to him in moments of solitude, has become my way of staying connected.
Embrace the Rollercoaster
Grief is not linear; it's a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days will be unbearable, while others may offer moments of respite. Embracing these fluctuations and allowing myself to feel whatever I am feeling at any given moment has been liberating.
My dad & me.
“Grief is the price we pay for love.”